It has been a little over a month since I arrived back home. It is a familiar but a very strange feeling to be back and I feel like I have a double identity and what I mean is that I know the previous life I had was one of redundancy and predictability and even with Covid-19 arriving at the worst time of my 50th year of existence, it didn’t deter me from making what most called an insane decision; leave a good paying job that was stable to go see this enormous country while the world was very uncertain: ” I think what you are trying to do is crazy, you will not make it out of the Cascades, you will not have food to eat, people to meet, a shelter to occupy, acceptance and you may get eaten by a huge hungry and aggressive animal” and the most common one was why and aren’t you afraid?
To tell you the truth, I was , I was very afraid of letting all those who were certain I was not going to make it , influence me into turning back or not commence at all. I have always been certain that the one thing in life that it was mine and that I have been excellent at is my desire and pursuit of seeing as much as I could of this world and its people and will keep meeting and encountering in my path of discovery and so now that I have come to the end of this latest journey of exploration and as I keep accumulating years of existence and the value of my experiences increase exponentially , I also increase my tendency to cling into those new experiences and memories because they are the things that I have the highest amount of influence into the planning and how I am going to see , how I am going to pay for them and what I am willing to relinquish to make my dreams a reality that has a fiber that keeps accumulating into that blanket for the winter of my life.
Coming back and re-integrating under the current conditions the world is in, makes me a very challenged individual because I just don’t see things with the same lense that it seems the rest of the world is using and when I am at work , I tried to make certain I don’t disvalidate my co-workers who see this world in such a different way than I do and I see this enormous worry in their faces and how much they want to know all aspects of immediate life but I don’t, because I know that things will always work out and they may not always work out the way see want them too , but they do work out and this earth is in constant motion and waits for none. My point is that life is a fleeting gift with a finite amount of time for all of us and crossing this country gave me the perspective that we all need to talk more and listen to each other without all the overwhelming amount of what I call artificial computation because we are so influxed with so many choices, options and alternatives, that so many do not know what the want because they don’t seem to know that the choices they are making are not really theirs but the influence of an entity that is dictating so many aspects of existence. In contrast, I feel now more than ever that I can see , excuse the phrase, the bull-shit that media , commercialism and the powers of influence is trying to spoon feed us into submission without us using our most powerful resource which to me is to critically think and question why something has existence and how it can affect us in all regards. I think we are leaving or trading our ability of engagement and fraternization for the comforts of a artificial existence where we are willing to trade real life and tangible experiences for the ability to look into social media and satisfy the realization that we are enslaved with seeing things through a fictitious plane and not willing to go out and learn from the real environment that has been around since the beginning of time and that is nature and plain meal sharing and good will.
So, as I carry on with my next chapter of adventure which I hope it comes sooner than later, I wish to say that re-integrating back is something that I will never accomplish entirely and I am glad for that because I know who I am now more than I did before and what I want now more than ever and as long as I can keep chasing the adventure of exploration along with interacting with others, that is the most important integration that I want and can have.
Thank you for indulging me with your time and my perspective and would love to hear your thoughts into this realm of my existence.